Just OK

Did you ever have a bad day?  I mean a "all the big things are sucking" bad day?  One where you feel like you've lost all control so you just brush your teeth for a solid 5 minutes only to feel a fleeting sense of control over anything?

Well I had one of those today... I just got done brushing my teeth.

For those of you who have been keeping up with me and are wondering, I was rejected for a pretty good opportunity today (seems vague, I know and I'm sorry).  Mainly what you need to know is that rejection sucks in all circumstances, no doubt, but the reason I'm bummed about this particular rejection is not so much that I lost out on a great opportunity, but more because it leaves me with lack of direction.  Or so it feels right now.
I had this idea in my head that if this opportunity worked out I would have a plan, and by that I don't mean plan, I mean PLAN.   I felt like this could be an answer to a long rehashed, wrestle through the night, kinda prayer.
Sigh.
I'm sure it was an answer to that prayer, and I think that answer might be the almighty "Be still."
If you've read earlier posts you know my sentiments about this phrase.

Now for big suck numero dos.  I'm just beginning to be able to wrap my head around a huge tragedy that happened earlier this week.  A friend mine passed away early Tuesday morning.  Right now details don't matter but the point is she was too young to die.  Period.  I've been through a roller coster of emotions this week and now being able to sit down and think about this the only really discernible thought I have is that Melissa was too young, it's not fair.  Dang this sucks.

If these things weren't 'big suck' enough I have a bunch of school work to do, a crazy weekend schedule to balance, a whole bunch of traveling coming up (and not the fun kind) and then to top it all off... tonight I found out that someone has stolen my credit card number.  Sweet.

That one more thing is not really what I need...or maybe it is?

Hear me out, I don't need someone stealing my credit card.  However, I'm realizing that I do need things that remind me that I'm human.  I'm fragile.

For those of you who know me best, you know I don't like to think that about myself.  I want to be the girl who is strong in any situation and has advice or insight that can be comforting no matter what.

But here it is...I'm human, I'm broken, I'm mourning, I'm tired, I'm lost, I'm hurting, I'm fragile, and all those things are ok.

I'm not meant to carry what feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders.  Reaching my breaking point for just a few minutes reminds me that it is ok to be in this place of ruin.

I'm not writing this for sympathy or pity, if you would like somewhere to direct prayers I know the Norton family could you them far worse than I.  The reason I'm reflecting on this topic publicly is because I know that we all have days like this, it's a fact of life.

And that is ok.

I have confidence that I will find direction (maybe not in my timing), I will heal from hurt, I will catch up on sleep and work and I will write a very strongly stated letter to my credit card company.  :)  Those things will happen and the hope that is found in those things will push me forward from today.

And that is ok too.