Well, I’m a couple days late here but welcome to 2012!
I had a great time ringing in the new year with a trip to Denver to celebrate with a special guy and watch the Chiefs beat the Broncos(insert fist pump here). Now, I’m back to reality. I’m back to school and basketball and balancing the many, many things I have fighting for my attention. I’m back to the life that I have a love hate relationship with. Which brings me to the reason why I’m blogging tonight.
It’s been a while since I shared much, but I think a lot of the reason for my absence from blogging is tied into the reason for my blog now.
Busy. What does that mean. I think I’ve used that word so much that it has lost it’s meaning to me. There are days when I feel as though I’m running around in circles without enough time to go from one project to the next. I love it and I hate it. I’m sure a lot of you can relate. I find projects that I get excited about and can jump into, giving up any free time I may have had in order to do more. It’s something I know is a fault of mine. I love helping and investing but I hate sacrificing and I hate saying no.
Since I know that most of you can relate to being busy (i’m sure that some of your lives make mine look like the life of a easy-going, fun-loving child). The thing I want to focus on is the fact that I hate saying no.
It’s a weird phenomenon but I’ve never been able to do it. It’s just two measly little letters, but for me it is a big step. I just can’t seem to drag myself to say no. I’m so bad that even when I know I can’t do something I find a way to tip toe around the issue until I have rehearsed a polite and acceptable way to say, ‘maybe not this time’. It’s a curse!
I’ve vented this to several of the people closest to me and the response is always the same, “it’s good you don’t want to say no, it shows how much of a caring and sacrificing person you are…blah…blah…blah.” I get it. Everyone thinks I’m so caring…but that is really because I NEVER SAY NO!! -whew! I got that off my chest!
I don’t think that it’s because I’m insecure and don’t want to let people down (I guess maybe on some level that is true). But really I think it is just simply because I have a hard time doing things 'half way'. If there is something I’m really passionate about I want to do everything I can to make that a priority. Problem: I’m passionate about several things. Now I have several things that are a priority. Each of those things requires time. Each of those things requires more and more commitment. Each of those things pulls me in a different direction. Yikes! Do you understand my problem!?!
After reflecting and really wrestling with this I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve got to start saying, ‘No!’. I have to do it no matter how much I don’t want to do it, I have to. I have to say no to new commitments, and little extra things (which I’m glad to hear is more acceptable when you are an adult), and I most importantly have to say no to lettings some of the things I’m passionate about get in the way of me being who I am.
When I get busy and start to spread myself too thin I loose some of the things that make me who I am(and I get sick). I can feel some of joy and some of my passion and some of my faith slipping away. I never want that, I hate that. I have to say no to letting that happen.
One of the great joys in life is being in relationship. I’m sure you’ve all read about that from me many times before. I never want my busy life to get into the way of my priority of being in relationship with my Redeemer, and I never want my busy life to get into the way of being in relationship with those who are close to me.
So, 2012 might be a year of saying No, so that I can enjoy more of what I’m meant to enjoy.
