July 26

I only have 9 minutes until July 26 is over.
Today seems like a very ordinary, un-special day.  And it is in a lot of ways.
However, this day exactly four years ago changed my life forever.

If you guys don’t mind, I’m going to take a moment to remember just a little.

I miss his strong hands.
I miss his smile.
I miss the way he would give me a hug every morning and rub my back.
I miss how he would play basketball with me, even though he was a wrestler.
I miss his scratchy beard.
I miss they way he used to say, “Huh…” whenever he didn’t know how to respond to something.
I miss him teaching me how to change the oil in my car.
I miss long drives to and from school with him.
I miss seeing him cheer me on.
I miss what he stood for.
I miss how he could be in the most random place and still find someone he knows.
I miss how he would snuggle my nephew.

I miss him more than I ever thought I could.

It’s now July 27.

The One With a HOUSE!

For those of you who are unaware, I’ve moved!  Although it was hard to leave great friends and a great community I have not ever been more excited to start another chapter of my life.  The decision to leave C was a tough one and there are some people I’m going to miss so, so much however, after the decision was made, I know I will be blessed and grow immensely in my new situation.  So here I am in SC!  Oh, by the way I’ll be teaching 7th Math and we’re still working on what capacity I’ll be in when it comes to coaching (some great opportunities are opening up).

So, without further ado, I give you…MY NEW HOME!

Cute little thing!  :)

I lucked out with an amazing tree in my front yard.

My first grilling experience ever!  It took me a little while to get the hang of it which will probably shock most of you.  :) Especially those of you who know that during the summers growing up we grilled at least once a day all summer long.

My perfect little kitchen.  It is the first part of my house I unpacked! (I’ll work on those curtains!) :)

Hall/Bathroom. For those of you trying to figure out the lay-out, this is where the previous picture was taken from (kitchen table is directly behind me).

Excuse the mess!  Living room, tons of natural light! :)

Perfect book shelf that I love right by the front door.

Soon to be office

My bedroom…needs a little touch of life!

I’ve still got some work to do, but it’s shaping up to be a great little home.  Thanks to those who helped move/pack/store/house me during my homelessness :).

Control. Again.

Control.

That is the word of the day.  I’m not very fond of that word of the day mainly because as mentioned in some of my former posts,  I struggle with it.

I was a control freak in high school and in some ways a lot of my college years.  I finally gave up some control miraculously for some amounts of time later in college, but this insatiable need for control keeps creeping back in.

Monday I had a rotten morning.  It was a culmination of everything that I was worrying about not going right.  I had a reservation for a trailer that was falling through, my email wouldn’t work, I couldn’t figure out an account on my computer, I haven’t heard out of someone I needed info from in about a week and I told my sister I’d ride along with her to a job interview an hour and a half away…and we needed to leave in the midst of all of this.

My solution to all of these problems: Chuck my laptop down on the couch and march out the door, throw my phone to the floor board in the car and pout.   Yup, I threw a grown-up’s tantrum.

My sister knows me pretty well and waited until we were about 20 min. in to the drive before she even asked if I was ok.  I said yes quickly and then she knew I needed another 10 or so minutes.

Finally she sensed it was alright to talk to me and told me she knew it was more than just one thing that upset me.  So I spilled it all, all the things that were bugging me and ticking me off.   She casually said to me, “yea, but none of those things are in your control.”

That is when I realized it.  I could do nothing about it.  Those things were out of my control.

Why does my much younger sister always have to be much wiser too???? :)

After I took a deep breath and muttered a little prayer things settled back down.  In fact things worked out for all of my issues by 3 o’clock that afternoon.  It was a relief, but at the same time that relief came I realized that I didn’t deserve that relief.  The way I approached the situation was not how I normally work, is it possible that at some point everyone needs to throw a tantrum?  What if things didn’t work out by 3 o’clock?

Monday night as I was saying a little prayer I thanked God for my sister.  I thanked Him for putting the right words in her mouth and for being on her heart.  I told him I was sorry and that I know he is in control.  I hate when I fight what He is planning.  Then I got myself in maybe a little over my head, I asked God to help me to continually give up control.

I have a feeling that there will be many more blog posts to come that have to subject matter of control.

Pool Side Life Lessons

It’s a little bit weird for me to be blogging right this moment because, well, I’ve already gone to bed for the night.  I’ve crawled into bed and shut my eyes tight and hoped to slip away into wonderful dreams.  However, as the reel of my day played through my mind, I was inspired awake.  I couldn’t sleep I was so inspired.  It’s kinda annoying, but I guess it makes for some good, non-forced, blogging.

First off, I haven’t blogged for a while so I’ll update the lot of you on my life.  I’ve been homeless for the last oh, about 3 weeks.  It’s been a good homeless, I’ve been on the many couches of my sisters, my friends and my mom (ok to be slightly less dramatic- my mom has a spare bedroom).  :)  I’ve been keeping busy finishing up my string of weddings, coaching at basketball camp, catching up on being an Aunt, visiting family and being the most lazy I’ve EVER allowed myself to be.  It’s been kinda great, I don’t know if I want to go back to being a teacher… jk, but really, if bum were a full time occupation that paid well and got benifits-whew! Sign me up! :)

Now to the ‘I can’t even sleep I’m so inspired’ part of my post.

Today while doing my 'Aunt Nanna of the year' duties I found myself playing a little game with Miss Willow(see right).
We devised a system for the pool.  You see, the first few times in the water were a little rough for Willow.  She would clench her legs tightly around my waist and hold on with a death grip, she was nervous of this unknown feeling, a swimming pool.  Then once MeeMaw was in and she could see that there was no real danger, she slowly loosened her grip.  Gradually she was able to play on the steps in the shallow part of the pool without me or MeeMaw holding her.  Here comes the part where we played our little game.  Willow would count, “one, two, free!” and then jump into my arms.  Then we would swim out a little ways with her in my arms and she would say, “Back to my stef, back to my stef!”  (for those of you not fluent in two year old, that means take me back to my step, now!).  Then she would wave bye-bye, give me a kiss and hug and I would pretend to be going on an extended journey.  Then I’d hear her cry out, “One, two, free!” and before I knew it the whole game would start over again and she would jump into my arms.

This seems like something cutsie and trivial but something that my dad once told me made me stop and think for a moment.  He said to me, “Anna, if you can’t appreciate the expressions a kid makes, what do you really have in life?”  I decided when my dad said this that A: He was a very wise man who loved kids a whole lot; B: I love kids a whole lot too; and C: He was right, you can learn a lot from kids.   I realized as I played back that fun little charade with Willow that her expressions spoke loudly to a piece of life.  As Willow jumped for the first time into my arms there was an expression of nervousness and wonder.  Little by little she got more and more brave.  She jumped further and into deeper water and sometimes she jumped even when I wasn’t quite all the way back to where I was ready to catch her.  Her expression gradually turned from fear into exhilaration, trust and adventure.  It was a progression I hope I never forget.

In my life, I like the idea of being able to jump.  I like the idea of going deeper and trusting more and more with each leap.  It’s hard, but when I think of the look on Willow’s face, the look of pure joy, I can’t help but think that it is worth it.

Freedom

Happy 4th of July, everyone!

Freedom.  What does freedom really mean to you?
I remember be so excited when I finally left for college for the first time.  Finally I was going to have real freedom!
I remember running the other night on the gravel road by our farm and seeing a field full of fire flies.  That felt like freedom.
I experienced a joyous freedom when the final bell rang on the last day of school this year.
Living on your own-ultimate, eat ice cream at 1 in the morning, freedom.
Those are all things that I perceived as illustrating freedom.

But what does it really mean to be free?  Does it mean we are without consequence, or without guidance perhaps?

I think that while some people believe those things to be true, they are far from truth (this is probably a matter for another post).

Galatians 5 speaks to this matter of freedom.  It tells us that we are not called to indulge in the nature of our freedom, but instead to use our freedom to make the decisions that are tough, the decisions to love and to serve.

Whoa!!! That is quite the calling there.  We are supposed to use our freedom to choose service.  We are given the ability to be free but for those who have received the calling, we give up that freedom for a life of service and a life of love.

I’m sure that many of you are thinking of several different ways you are considered free on this independence day.  And you are probably even considering how important those things are to you.  While you do that, while you consider the blessing of freedom in it’s many forms, consider freedom as a calling.  And then act on that calling.