2012- A Year of No?

Well, I’m a couple days late here but welcome to 2012!

I had a great time ringing in the new year with a trip to Denver to celebrate with a special guy and watch the Chiefs beat the Broncos(insert fist pump here).  Now, I’m back to reality.  I’m back to school and basketball and balancing the many, many things I have fighting for my attention.  I’m back to the life that I have a love hate relationship with.  Which brings me to the reason why I’m blogging tonight.

It’s been a while since I shared much, but I think a lot of the reason for my absence from blogging is tied into the reason for my blog now.

Busy.  What does that mean.  I think I’ve used that word so much that it has lost it’s meaning to me.  There are days when I feel as though I’m running around in circles without enough time to go from one project to the next.  I love it and I hate it.  I’m sure a lot of you can relate.  I find projects that I get excited about and can jump into, giving up any free time I may have had in order to do more.  It’s something I know is a fault of mine.  I love helping and investing but I hate sacrificing and I hate saying no.

Since I know that most of you can relate to being busy (i’m sure that some of your lives make mine look like the life of a easy-going, fun-loving child).  The thing I want to focus on is the fact that I hate saying no.

It’s a weird phenomenon but I’ve never been able to do it.  It’s just two measly little letters, but for me it is a big step.  I just can’t seem to drag myself to say no.  I’m so bad that even when I know I can’t do something I find a way to tip toe around the issue until I have rehearsed a polite and acceptable way to say, ‘maybe not this time’.  It’s a curse!

I’ve vented this to several of the people closest to me and the response is always the same, “it’s good you don’t want to say no, it shows how much of a caring and sacrificing person you are…blah…blah…blah.” I get it.  Everyone thinks I’m so caring…but that is really because I NEVER SAY NO!!  -whew! I got that off my chest!

I don’t think that it’s because I’m insecure and don’t want to let people down (I guess maybe on some level that is true).  But really I think it is just simply because I have a hard time doing things 'half way'.   If there is something I’m really passionate about I want to do everything I can to make that a priority.  Problem: I’m passionate about several things.  Now I have several things that are a priority.  Each of those things requires time.  Each of those things requires more and more commitment.  Each of those things pulls me in a different direction.  Yikes! Do you understand my problem!?!

After reflecting and really wrestling with this I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve got to start saying, ‘No!’.   I have to do it no matter how much I don’t want to do it, I have to.  I have to say no to new commitments, and little extra things (which I’m glad to hear is more acceptable when you are an adult),  and I most importantly have to say no to lettings some of the things I’m passionate about get in the way of me being who I am.

When I get busy and start to spread myself too thin I loose some of the things that make me who I am(and I get sick).  I can feel some of joy and some of my passion and some of my faith slipping away.  I never want that, I hate that.  I have to say no to letting that happen.

One of the great joys in life is being in relationship.  I’m sure you’ve all read about that from me many times before.  I never want my busy life to get into the way of my priority of being in relationship with my Redeemer, and I never want my busy life to get into the way of being in relationship with those who are close to me.  

So, 2012 might be a year of saying No, so that I can enjoy more of what I’m meant to enjoy.

A Christmas Post

I love Christmas time.  I love the invisible joy that is floating around and sneaking inside people’s lives this time of year.  Christmas music makes me smile.  Christmas lights bring me joy.  Gingerbread house making and decorating the Christmas tree, sigh, are…great. :) I love Christmas time.

It’s so fun to get together with friends and family and I find myself looking forward to it every year.  This year is no different, I can’t wait! In my family Christmas has always been about family and about the reason we celebrate as a family.  I’ve always appreciated being able to go to church on Christmas Eve and sing songs of joy about the Savior that was given on a cold winter night.  It is the culmination of advent, the reason we have a Christmas to celebrate and I love it.

This could very easily turn into the ‘real reason for the season’ type of blog post but that’s not what I want to accomplish.  Instead I simply want to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas.  May they joy that is floating around find you celebrating with family and friends for all you have to be grateful for.


Merry Christmas!!

P.S.
One of my favorites, out of the mouths of babes:

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.  That is what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

A Guy

This is a weird thing for me to blog about, I didn’t know if I’d ever get to write this blog…or even really want to write I blog as cliche as what I’m about to write.  But--when I started this whole blog thing I said that the reason was for me to reflect and for me to write about what was on my heart.

If you are easily grossed out by affection, you can stop reading now... and feel free to keep your ‘puke!’ comments to yourself! :)

Here goes…

All my life I’ve prayed for a guy.  Not just any guy, a special one, one just for me.  I’ve prayed prayers of pleading and prayers of understanding, I’ve prayed prayers that asked for patience I’ve prayed that my controlling tendancies would be taken away from me.  There were moments when I prayed for a guy to show up at a specific time and have qualities A-Z on my list of non-negotiables.  But mostly I’ve trusted that God would provide and I continue to trust that God always provides for me.

Recently, well in the last 6 or so weeks, I seemed to have stumbled across a guy.  At first I was very unsure of the timing and even if I was ready to give anything a try (I can write this because he already knows how this all went down :)).  But I learned a very important lesson in the process of falling for this guy.  I’ve learned how much being in a relationship and choosing a relationship is not about controlling situations or checking things off a list or even second guessing anything.  I’ve learned that God is providing for me exactly what I’ve been praying for all this time: A guy.  A guy who loves the Lord. A guy who puts his family first.  A guy who adores me. A guy who can make me laugh for hours.  A guy who loves kids.  A guy who is humble and caring. A guy who would do anything for a friend.  Just a guy.

Since relationships are one of my favorite things I think that it would be terrible of me to not mention that I really love being in a relationship like the one I have with this guy.  I love having someone to call with good news.  I love choosing to make him a priority.  I love that he makes me a priority.  I love having him kiss me goodnight.  Hey, what can I say, we were made to be in relationships!

Anyway, I could go on writing about all of his great qualities and how he makes me feel all night but I have to get SOME sleep! :)  Either way, for those of you who are my caring friends and family who have always worried about me, know that I’m happy and however this ends up I’ll be a better person for choosing a relationship with this guy.

Relationships…One of My Favorite Topics :)

It’s all about relationships…


Have you ever thought about this: A person can say they are ah-mazing, they can gloat and show off, they can tell you all the great things they are about and all the wonderful things they do… And you can believe them.


But.


If someone who knows them well, or even someone who doesn’t know them well tells you something about that person, it sticks with you.


Testimonies about a person have impact.  They have even more impact when they aren’t solicited and when they are coming from someone who has nothing to gain in the situation.  


The whole reason I was thinking about this was because for Bible study this week I went through John chapter 5.  The second part of chapter 5 is Jesus saying-I know that I can testify about myself BUT things will be much more clear if you hear it from someone else, it just makes it more real.


Isn’t that so flipping true about any person in almost any situation??? 


Now, here  is where I get the whole relationships notion.  God is so frickin smart-- it’s all about relationships! We are designed by God to be in relationship and to be impacted by one another. Relationships are a blessing and they are the only thing that matters. God obviously knew this and along with that He knew that those relationships were what was going to spread Jesus and His love. 

It makes you think…what would I say/write about myself and my life. Is that near as impactful as what other people would say/write about me? … And does it really even mater as long as I’m using my relationships to have the right kind of impact?


I love people, I love being in great relationships with people.  I hope that my relationships, new and old, can testify to who I am as a person and mostly that I point to who Jesus is.  

Father God, I’m thankful for the people you have blessed me to be in relationship with. Thank you for their insights, for their challenges, for their encouragement and for their love. Lord, I pray that we can be a testimony to the world about how each of us has impacted each other in a major way. I pray that even more-so that the impact we’ve had has been because of the love that you first showed to us. Amen.

What is waiting...

Rivers are a funny thing.  Strong and steady, they seem almost unchanging.  But as Pocahontas puts it, ‘you can’t step in the same river twice, it’s always changing always flowing’.

Can you tell I watched Pocahontas today?? :)

The message I picked up on was a message of excitement.  We never know what is waiting-just around the river bend.

The question is, will we take ahold of this excitement and actually go around the river bend?
Hey, why not?

This seems like a fun and exciting life to lead, but there is more to it.  You see to be safe, we loose the chance of ever knowing what exciting is coming around the river bend…but we are safe.

Safety v. Adventure?  What a conundrum…

This epic question was the pivot of Pocahontas' life and I have to say that I’m not sure it’s as pivotal in mine, but still a question that I wrestle with.

There are things in my life that are comfortable, and I like them.  I feel safe.  I feel comfortable being independent and safe when I’m with my family.  I feel comfortable when I’m teaching and coaching and I’m safe around my friends.

However, I’m not the type of person to stay safe within those things for long.  Uncomfortableness and uneasiness and a lack of safety are necessary for finding out what is coming next around the river bend.  This seems like it could be equated to some huge life changing career move or picking up all my things and going across country, however.  I’m thinking on a little smaller scale.  I’m safe and steady where I am, but I’m excited and looking for adventure here.  I’m looking for a bend in the river in this place.  Those bends could be all kinds of adventures.  Things like pushing myself to be a better teacher and coach, investing in new relationships, meeting exciting people, even something as small as trying a new work out :).

I love tradition and routine and things that are comfortable, but just around the river bend there are things that make me uncomfortable--and it’s so good for me! It’s exciting and challenging and a great new adventure.

Refreshingly Exhausting

The title of this post says it all.

Those two words are the best description of my weekend I can find.  So good. Sooo tired.

After a long week at school I rushed to meet up with the basketball team and make the trek to Marshall. MN for a scrimmage.  It was a good experience and our team is getting better.  We as coaches are finding things we can improve on overall, competing is really good for us.  After that late night we had a fun Saturday ahead.

The anual alumni game!!! :) So much fun for alumni, not as much fun for current players.  The alumni game is tough, it’s the fun friendly competition that we as alumni get to enjoy... and maybe smack talk a little… but it’s serious and used as an opportunity to get better for the current players.  I remember as a player how hard it was to take the game serious all the time, especially when your playing against some of your best friends and they are goofing around.

Lucky for me--I’m old.  So I got to goof around, which is way more my style :).

Anyway, that wore me out!  Not to mention the JV had a scrimmage that I coached and coaching is just as mentally exhausting as playing is physically exhausting.

Then comes the refreshing part.  The nature of the alumni game is so that alumni come back!!!  And it just so happens that all the girls that I graduated with (just 2) and all the girls who were juniors when I graduated came back to play! :) We were "reunited and it felt so goooood…”.

Naturally, after the game I invited al the girls over for pumpkin carving and to hang out for a while.  Us old fogies were ready to turn in by 10:30, but we pushed through.  And it was oh so worth it!

As tired and sore and just plain exhausted as I felt this morning, I had a sense of renewal.  It’s amazing what good conversation and day filled with laughter can do for a person.  Remembering stories and catching up and even sharing little pieces of our souls was accompanied by even more laughter and some delicious fall treats.  It’s been around 2 and a half years since all us were in the same place and able to share life, we’ve all grown up in different ways, which is really fun to see.  It’s funny how even though we’ve all changed, we can still come together like no time has pasted.  Sharing that time may be rare, but it’s perfect.

FREAK OUT!!!!

My baby sister is engaged!!!

This actually happened a couple weeks ago, but this weekend was the first time I got to see her and my future brother in law since the big news broke.

We’ve been talking a wedding for the two of them for a little while now, so it wasn’t exactly a shock.  Which I think is good, I mean, I think I would want some sort of heads up before I get asked a question like that. :)  But, since we had been talking wedding for a while, I feel like on some level Maggie missed out on the fresh excitement and gravity of this amazing event.

You only get engaged once(hopefully) and it should be something special and celebratory.

Shortly after the news, I received a letter in the mail.  Maggie asked my to be her MOH, of course after she accepted my list of demands I said yes! :) (I really did have a list of demands--all in good fun).

All of this brings me to why I’m writing.  This weekend when I got to see them for the first time, I gave them hugs and said congratulations and welcome to the family, I looked at the ring and we talked weddings all weekend.  But I didn’t do the MOH freak out.  I didn’t jump up and down with her and scream when I saw the ring.  I didn’t tackle her the moment I saw her, like I always thought I would.

I didn’t realized I had failed my MOH duties of the initial freak out until hours later.  What was I thinking?  The truth is I’m so, so happy for them.  They are perfect for each other and I’m so excited to celebrate with them.  Steve and Mag have so many great things in their future and I can’t even tell you how excited I am to see that all play out.  I’m excited to get the phone call that she got her dream job and he graduated.  I’m excited to meet my future nieces and nephews.  I’m excited to watch their marriage grow.  I couldn’t be happier for them.  How could I not want everything wonderful in the world for my baby sister?  I do.  She knows that.

So consider this my MOH freak out!!!!!!! yay!!!! yipeeee!!!! bam sucker!!!!whoop!!!!whoop!!!! Dang, Look at THAT RING!!!! :)

I’m also considering this the last of my apologies (I have already apologized face to face and over the phone) and the first of letting everyone know how truly excited I am to be a witness to what will be an enduring relationship.  I couldn’t be happier to see my mom’s wedding ring on the finger of my best friend and baby sister.